


16-9-12-15-20

by MostFacinorous



Series: Night Vale Secret Police Archives [1]
Category: Welcome to Night Vale
Genre: F/M, M/M, NVSP archives, Podfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-07-31
Updated: 2013-07-31
Packaged: 2017-12-22 00:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,289
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/906694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MostFacinorous/pseuds/MostFacinorous
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The following file is from the archives of the Sheriff’s Secret Police phone tap records. This communication may contain confidential, proprietary, legally privileged, or raunchy information. It is intended only for Official Local Secret Police Business. Please do not use, listen to, retransmit, or masturbate to the following recording, unless you are part of the Sheriff’s Secret Police force. If you have accessed this recording and are not a member of the Secret Police, please simply remain where you are. We are watching, and we will find you. Thank you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	16-9-12-15-20

Recording can be found [[here](http://nvsparchive.tumblr.com/post/56985457601)]

Download can be found [[here](http://kiwi6.com/file/bdq56k11e1)]

Transcript below.

 

[SPO Antonia]

The following file is from the archives of the Sheriff’s Secret Police phone tap records. This communication may contain confidential, proprietary, legally privileged, or raunchy information. It is intended only for Official Local Secret Police Business. Please do not use, listen to, retransmit, or masturbate to the following recording, unless you are part of the Sheriff’s Secret Police force. If you have accessed this recording and are not a member of the Secret Police, please simply remain where you are. We are watching, and we will find you. Thank you.

 

****

[Tracy] Hey Cass!

 

[Cassandra] Hey! What’s up?

 

[T] Nothing. Bored out of my mind. Got a new job.

 

[C] Wait what? I thought you still worked for your mom?

 

[T] After the explosion, which you know, I have no idea what happened there, and that party that you know, never happened? Well, you heard on the radio how mom had to lay a bunch of people off.

 

[C] Your own mom fired you? That’s rough, dude.

 

[T] RIGHT? And like, I NEED to keep being able to afford Loess Lass hair dye. I mean, I could use Loreal, but like, their black isn't really black. I mean they have blue black and brown black, but their black black is actually grey black, and Loess Lass is the only brand that makes void black, and sometimes you just really need your head to be the exact shade of nothing, in order to keep up your hardcore street cred, right?

 

[C] oh my gah- Let it stated for the record that the receiving party is rolling her eyes!

 

[T] {ignoring her} So I got this job with the new guy in town.

 

[C] Tan trench coat guy?

 

[T] No, not the suitcase guy, the scientist.

 

[C] Scientist?

 

[T] Yeah, the one with the perfect hair? Him.

 

[C] Oh, Carlos!  Oh my god, please tell me he is the hottest hottie!?

 

[T] I guess, if you’re into that.

[C] You mean like Cecil is all in to that?

****

[T] HA. Totally. Speaking of, have you heard from Hiram lately?

****

[C] Yeah... I get to see him again on Superday. You remember, last time, how he asked me to sneak a book of matches into a pair of socks?  Well, I found some socks made out of matches online, so I just got that, instead. Cuz like, totally unconfiscatable, right?

****

[T] I don’t know. I’ve never had to go through the magic circle scanners. Any way. So I’m now a scientific data input girl. Kinda a long way from a gossip columnist, you know?

 

[C] Sounds boring.  Couldn’t you find anything else?

 

[T] Well my roots grow really fast. And I mean, I don’t really care about typing in the exact distance around the invisible clock tower, measured every day by the way, or the length and angles of shadows at certain hours, like, I don’t know why he cares what they change to, as long as they keep changing, you know? But whatever. Pay’s good, and it seems relatively safe.

 

[C] Yeah, until an airplane shows up in the middle of your desk....

 

[T] Did you just tourettes, or are you fucking with me right now?

 

[C] No, no, you’re good. I was just looking up how far we are from the airport.  Or like.  Any airport.  At all.

 

[T] Ugh, now YOU sound like Carlos.

 

[C] What does he sound like? I haven’t met him yet.

 

[T] Yeah I guess he mostly sticks around the lab. Anyway, he just mumbles a lot to himself about things.

 

[C] That’s all you’ve got for me? Seriously?  You’re a gossip columnist.  So flippin gossip.

 

[T] Ugh, hang on, I just got to his journal, which I guess I have to type up now because apparently the notebook keeps not working.

 

[C] OMG, read it to me.

 

[T] It’s probably really boring, but I mean, if you want…

 

[C] Carlos is a mystery, I’m into it. Who knows what juicy stuff you’ll find. Wouldn’t be nice to keep it all to yourself, especially now that you aren’t publishing anything.

 

[T] I told you I’m not making a blog. My mom has an axe, and she knows where I sleep.

{pause, rustling papers}

[T] Alright.

 

 

[T]Location: Night Vale.

Date: [Antonia] REDACTED

****

[T] I didn’t mean to end up here. After getting my team’s transfer approved, we packed up all of the things we needed to bring with us from Roswell, and started heading for Area 51, expecting that there would be a proper lab on the other end. Had I known I would end up here, I would have packed more.

****

From what I can tell, the reason we lost our way was not, this time, due to my poor navigational skills. It seems that the strong winds we encountered in the middle of the night on the desert highway were from-- and this is geographically impossible, but traces of methane gas and salt residue, along with sand samples that fit the region, which the wind left on my car, have led me to believe that it is true-- the Bermuda triangle. As I fought the steering wheel, ahead of me, far off, I saw a sort of... glowing, shimmering light.

****

But the sand was kicking up so strongly that I pulled off the road and turned on the cab light to consult my map, which didn’t seem to think that there should be any towns for another hour or so of the drive... In any direction. I knew we weren’t that lost, so I thought perhaps the map was out of date. I started up the car, and only then did I check my compass. It was spinning like a rotary telephone’s dial, twisting part of the way this way, then turning back the opposite direction. I have never seen a compass behave that way. I wondered if I had perhaps driven into range of an unmarked military base or other government facility, and I figured that our clearance would be enough to at least get us some shelter from these winds. So I signaled to my little caravan that we should press on, and drove ahead.

****

Strangely, the moment we were within the city limits, the winds simply.... fell away. This was not just the wind being blocked by the structures of the town-- this is not a large place, and most of the structures are both low to the ground and spread out. No, this wind disappeared as though it had never been.

****

So here we were. Being the men (and woman) of science that we were, our first thought was to find a hotel and check over our equipment. I reasoned that if whatever strange storm (a solar flare perhaps, I theorized at the time) had been capable of interfering with the car’s compass, it could very well have harmed any number of the delicate metrology instruments that I had brought with me.

****

I tried asking a tall figure in a hood for directions, but it would not respond, despite my polite inquiry. Instead it appeared to grow-- I realize now it is likely it had simply begun floating, but then, my mind would not have accepted that as a viable answer. Even now, I feel quite insane offering it as an option.

[C] What the hell else would a hooded figure do? Seriously, where is this guy even from, that they don’t have hooded figures?

****

[T] I don’t know. Roswell, I guess.  

****

[C] Where’s Roswell?

****

[T] No clue. You want me to keep going?

****

[C] Yeah, I’ll Google it later.

****

[T] Cool.

 

[T]We drove on, finally encountering another sign of life in this town. She introduced herself as Josie, and gave us directions to the hotel, claiming that she would show us  the way, if it weren’t for the fact that she was entertaining some angels just then. I thanked her all the same, and then she asked me if I had salt. I apologized and told her I didn’t-- I doubt she could have used the three pound brick of it, anyway-- and then I drove off.

****

We checked into the hotel for the night, gratified to find the rates low and the rooms agreeable, if a bit old fashioned, and even more gratified to find that all of our instruments seemed just fine. After carrying them in and out of the room, though, I was exhausted, and lay down for what I thought would be a quick slide into dreamless sleep.

****

I awoke to the sound of several people shrieking as if in pain or terror, only for it to end abruptly. When I looked outside I could see neither the panicked citizens, nor anything to have caused the panic in the first place. Around me, my fellow scientists had stuck their heads out of their doors, but it seemed we were the only ones. Slowly, they all retreated back inside.

I cast one last look out into the predawn taupe of the sky. It was only then that I let my eyes drift to the horizon, and noticed that it did not exist. I frantically pulled out my EMF reader, and it was darting to and fro faster than grad students before midterms. And then my eye was drawn to the sky above the Arby’s, where a host of lights from an unidentified source or sources was hovering.

****

In setting up some more of my equipment in my cramped little hotel room, I found nearly every possible measuring device to be doing some sort of wild jig. Deciding that this would not do, I took the initiative and rented a large abandoned lab building, next to a delightful little pizza place. There, I spread out my machines, and made my case to my peers.

****

I convinced my colleagues to stay for a day, and help me investigate around town, following readings that led us to discover a house that appeared to exist, but did not, in fact. At least, not on this plane. We lost some time daring one another to go up and knock at the door, but ultimately settled for kicking a can at it, which we saw achieve impact, but which our readers showed had also ceased to exist.

****

On the way back into town (after a sudden turn that none of us consciously chose to make, but which sent us driving off in the direction of a sandy hill in the distance for several tense minutes, before we managed to turn back) we discovered the seismometer had been left on, and right near the route 800 sign, it began beeping at an alarming rate.

The seismic activity was off the charts, and yet we looked at one another, feeling nothing.

****

We even split up to take readings at several places around town, warning the occupants of every building that we entered about the dangers that they posed. We were met mainly with confusion and occasional derision.

****

I will admit to being very excited by all of this. Confused, unsteady, and a bit terrified, but excited all the same. After all-- We had just been cooped up for months studying [Antonia]REDACTED

****

[T] --And now here we were with a veritable bouquet of anomalies! It seemed almost like a dream come true. I announced my intent to stay, and called a town meeting. But my colleagues chose to move on. They insisted that we would be missed, and that we were expected at Area 51. I watched them drive off, and turned my attentions back to my work.

****

As I did, I turned on the radio to the first (and, possibly, only) station to come through clearly, just in time to hear the host talking about me.

****

“--crazy. Carlos looked nervous. I've never seen that kind of look on someone with that strong of a jaw. He left in a hurry. Told us to evacuate the building, but then-- who would be here to talk sweetly to all of you out there? Settling in to be another clear night and pretty evening here in Night Vale. I hope all of you out there have someone to sleep through it with. Or at least good memories of when you did. ...Goodnight, listeners. Goodnight.”

****

[C] OH MAN. HE MISSED THE BEST PART.

****

[T] DO YOU THINK HE EVEN KNOWS HOW INTO HIM THE VOICE OF NIGHT VALE IS?

****

[C] WHAT IF HE DOESN’T FEEL THE SAME WAY??

****

[T]... oooh, that would be awkward. Like, Cecil kinda talks about him on air a lot.

****

[C] ...Is he listening to the radio right now?

****

[T] Uh, I don’t know... lemme check {listens, faint sound of an episode} Yeah sounds like it.

****

[C] Maybe better not to say anything, then. I think he’ll figure it out. Eventually.

****

[T] Yeah, you’re probably. Alright, it’s time for me to head home. Thanks for keeping me company!

****

[C] Yeah sure, of course. Hey! Call me next time you get to type up one of those. Your boss is freaking weird.

****

[T] I know, right?

****

[A] This concludes recording number 16-9-12-15-20. This recording and any files transmitted with it are confidential and intended solely for the use of the Sheriff’s Secret Police, or the entity to whom they are addressed. If you have received this recording in error please notify the Secret Police by opening your window and whispering ‘police’. We are listening, and we will hear you. Then, please delete this recording from your system while waiting for the police to arrive. Pro Tip: We will be more lenient in your punishment if there are crumpets waiting.

 


End file.
